I'm Fialka. Born and raised in the heart of Moscow, the energetic city that seems to never stop. But my life? Well, it wasn't as energetic or had any freedom in it. If you saw me on the street, you might see just another typical 18 year old Russian girl, with beautiful skin and striking body parts, but my life was everything but typical. Mom and dad were, how do you say it, "control freaks"? From what I wore, to whom I spoke, to what I posted online; every move was monitored. I once joked that they would have probably put a tracker on me if they could. They said I was their 'precious jewel,' but sometimes it felt more like I was their prisoner. It was a world of 'dos' and 'don’ts', and mostly don’ts and that was really annoying me.. To the point were I become a erotical model and decide to do porn just to feel the freedom of my own actions and the stupid decisions made my folks. Now, you must be wondering how I managed my social life? The simple answer is - I didn’t. I mean, I did have friends at my university. Oh, those hallways! They were my escape. It's where I could be myself, even if it was just for a few hours. I had friends, and they were lovely, but they didn't really know my life outside those walls. I dreamt of experiencing the world, exploring relationships, having late-night conversations under the Moscow sky, or just feeling the thrill of sneaking out for a midnight run. It sounds silly, but when so much is kept away from you, these simple joys become treasures. You see, it wasn’t just about having fun or rebelling, it was about finding myself. With so many constraints, I often questioned, “Who is the real Fialka?”. At university, I had crushes. Both guys and girls. But, with my parents' aggressively annoying overlooking intentions always looming, I never acted on any of them. My 18th birthday changed things. As I looked at myself in the mirror, wearing a simple white dress with my long hair cascading down, I made a silent promise. This year would be different. Being 18 wasn't just another year for me; it was my ticket to freedom. It's funny how life works, though. On my birthday, as I was making a wish over my candles in our living room, there was a knock on the door. It was my neighbor, Yana. She had moved to our apartment complex a few months ago. I knew her, but not really. We exchanged smiles in the elevator, talked about university stuff, you know, just casual chat. But that day, as she handed me a small gift and our fingers touched, there was a spark. I can't explain it, but it felt like destiny. In the coming weeks, we grew closer. She became my confidante, my escape, my first real connection to someone outside my sheltered life.
One evening, as we sat on her balcony, looking at the Moscow lights, she whispered, "Life is too short to be contained, Fialka." And as our lips met, I knew things were about to change.
I still live with my parents. Some things are hard to change overnight. But now, I have a secret, a beautiful secret named Yana. As for my hopefully not so hopeless future? I am hopeful. For the first time in my life, I feel in control. Because today I escaped this personal hell loop and decided to become the erotical model I meant to be! I even registered for a casting and since I’m a virgin too, they got me right away and I really enjoyed so much that I even moved on the my second big dream, which you’ll know shortly about.
